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Rejection III

June 27, 2013

The cold takes me away on silver wings and I float in darkness, surrounded by stars.

This is a place familiar to me. I have been here before. This time it looks different, however; the waves lapping against the moonlit shore are black and sludgy, and I can see it moving. Not like water, not at all. This is the anti-water, the anti-life – the anti-anima. I am a stranger on this shore.

“Perhaps we were mistaken, little honey child.”

I can feel a smile appear on my lips. They are afraid now. Truth be told, they have always been afraid, but this time they are beginning to realize that I can not be controlled. I know which voice to listen to, and I know what to reject. They are a sickness and I am about to purge them from my being.

“Please. Heed us. We can show you so much.”

I walk.

As the stars wheel overhead and the moon shines on me through the lens of countless dreams I walk over the dunes – and I know that I am in a prison of sorts, although it was not built to contain me.

What it is meant to contain lies before me.

“We beg you. You can still change your mind. If you help us you will be rewarded.”

Again they appear around me, shielding me, smiling at me. Hanako comes first, her glowing aura shining brightly in the darkness. Then comes my mother, radiant, powerful, always in control. Then comes my father, and I see that he is ill. His being is with me, because I carry him in my heart, but this is not his true form. He gives me a smile and a small shrug, as if to say: “This is all I could do.” Last comes Amy, and she has also been taken. The sight of her breaks my heart. Her anima is clouded and I feel in this moment that I have lost her. In my heart, however, she will live on forever.

They embrace me, one by one. After they have done so they fade away, leaving me alone but with a hardened resolve.

Stars and moons and over the hill.

In this cold, remote cage in the middle of an eternal dream, there is music. I can hear it very clearly: A sequence of bright, shining notes that ring out in defiance of the oppressive blackness. The sequence is repeated all around me, over and over, fighting back the oncoming dark – but in the middle I hear a disturbance. There is a fault that must be repaired, a connection that is slowly being broken. I turn toward this anomaly and I head straight for it.

As I go over the hill I gasp.

It is here. All of it is here. The linchpin of our existence, the center of the soul of life. It has taken many forms before. For some it has been a glowing realm of peace and harmony; for others it has been a lone, black tower, standing tall in the middle of a field of roses. For me, it takes the shape of a canyon with an incredibly bright glowing center. People have sought this forever, walking along the same path (the word beam enters my incorporeal head), all being pulled toward the same place. It must be protected. It cannot be allowed to fall. I must keep it safe. We must all keep it safe.

And so I walk toward the light, ignoring the dark voices screaming at me not to do it. They ask my forgiveness, they beg to be released. If I do this, they tell me, they will give me knowledge and power beyond anything I could possibly imagine. But I am no longer a stranger on the shore. I will reject them once again. Everything is true, and everything comes in threes. Before the sun rises I will reject this Filth – this anti-anima – thrice.

I find the glowing node that has been afflicted by the darkness. It tries to sing its bright, glassy note, but its voice is distorted. I can feel the universe looking at me now, wondering what my next action will be. The eyes of millions of worlds are watching – and I, Chie, am one of the chosen few who can do something right.

I kneel down and I sing to the glow. I sing a song very dear to me, a song my father used to sing when I was a child. It is the perfect song for this time, for this place, to comfort a single being who cannot sing on its own.

Here I stand, watching the tide go out
So all alone and blue
Just dreaming dreams of you

“No no no! Don’t do it! We can show you everything! Do you not understand, you terrible little thing of muscles and tissue and blood?! We offer you eternity!”

I watched your ship as it sailed out to sea
Taking all my dreams
And taking all of me

Yes, this is the right song. The only song. Because my journey started out like this, didn’t it? I was alone in the night, dreaming my dreams. I heard of the ships sailing out into the mist and coming back with people no longer human. This blight on our universe took all of them. It is a sad, sad thing. But crying can be healing, and as I sing I can feel the tears flow freely.

The sighing of the waves
The wailing of the wind
The tears in my eyes burn
Pleading, “My love, return”

“You cannot keep us out forever! DO YOU HEAR US? WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED! WE WILL NOT BE REJECTED! THERE ARE OTHERS, CHIE! THERE ARE OTHERS AND THEY WILL LISTEN TO US THEY WILL DO WHAT WE ASK AND YOU CAN NOT KEEP US OUT! WE WILL CLAIM YOU ALL!

I can feel that faint smile reappearing. Perhaps there will be those who listen to you, I think, but today you lose.

Why, oh, why must I go on like this?
Shall I just be a lonely stranger on the shore?

Cadence.

The glowing orb lets out a sigh. It shines brighter for a second and then it sings on its own. The note is brilliant and crystal clear. The cage will hold.

She decends before my very eyes and I see her very well. This is a being I have encountered before. When she speaks, she does so in the center of my mind.

Thank you, Chie, daughter of Noriko and Matthew. If everyone chose this way, there would be no danger to your world.

She – it – puts a gentle hand on my cheek. It burns a little; I get a sudden image of a cow being branded. I have made my choice now and the universe has seen it very well.

We will speak again.

And with that, she leaves me. I fall into the light and wake up in my bed, still clutching the lucky charm I was given. My nose is bleeding profusely and my head is aching, but I feel almost lightheaded with relief and joy. This choice was mine to make, and I made the right one.

Time now to see where it will take me in the future.

さようなら

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From → Dreams

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